Stuffed Loin

This dish tastes a lot more appealing than it looks in prep. As long as you can get passed the growing expense of a prime red--or find a bargain--you'll be glad you took the 4 minutes to make it and more so when you devour it.

1 (12 oz.) beef tenderloin or beef loin roast
4 oz. goat cheese
3/4 c. packed fresh spinach
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. pepper
2 Tbsp. crushed black pepper


Cut a slit along the tenderloin to form a pocket. In a separate bowl, combine goat cheese, spinach, garlic, salt and pepper and mix well. Spoon the goat cheese mixture into the pocket. Use kitchen twine (or toothpicks) to close the fold, and place in a glass baking dish with a little bit of olive oil. Pat crushed pepper on meat.


Roast at 425 degrees for 15 minutes, then reduce the oven temperature to 325 and roast for 45 minutes longer. Cut into thick slices and serve.

Carni Grub

Yesterday at a thrift store, I found a brand new Fry Daddy for $7--they retail for about $40. Since last night I had dinner plans with some health nuts, I thought I'd ruin their light meal with a dessert that you often only consume just after you weeze the juice of a glowing green slushy and right before you ride the Tilt-A-Whirl and puke it all up. You don't really need a special frying machine to accomplish this task (nor a funnel as you will see), but it helps prevent the grease-splooge mess all over your counter top.

Dry mixture:
1 2/3 c. flour
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. cream of tartar
2 Tbsp. sugar

Since I was taking this meal on the road--like it's accustomed to--I stored the dry mixture in a gallon-size ziploc bag, then used the bag as the funnel for the batter by cutting a whole in the corner.

Combine the following with dry mixture and pour in funnel or bag with centimeter hole.

1 c. milk
1 egg (beaten with milk)

Now for the fryin'! In a Fry Daddy, iron skillet, or other thick sauce pan, heat about 1 or 1-1/2 canola oil to 375 degrees. If you're just using a skillet, test to see if the oil is ready by flicking some water drops in it to see if it sizzles.


Hold ziploc like a pastry bag and evenly drop about a half a cup of the mixture in a spiral-like pattern into sizzling oil. Shortly thereafter, use a pair of tongs or spatula to flip the cake and cook the other side--it doesn't take long to cook. Remove from oil and set on plate with paper towl.




Serve with fresh fruit (or fruit-flavored ice cream) or chocolate or whatever you want, with some sifted powdered sugar atop it. Even though you didn't just dismount from the Gravitron, you may still feel like the room is spinning. Grow a beard, grab a flask and a crack pipe; disown your deodorant and swim in the port-a-potty. Join the carnies and eat a funnel cake.

East Meets East LA

Now that my apartment is completely sans-Asian, I finally have the gall to attempt a dinner of that persuasion. My new Romanian roommate, Sinziana, donated a bag of rice noodles to the cabinet--so we made a vermicelli bowl. I definitely don't have all those weird oils and pastes that are typically added into Asian food, so I cut some corners. No jokes about this one: it's great.

Begin dish with bringing a large pot of water to boil on stove; prepare a large bowl of iced water next to it, and a colander not far from there. To blanch the vegetables, drop them in the boiling water; remove them when water begins to boil again; drop in iced water bowl, then drain. On a flat or iron skillet at a medium/low heat, cook about a half pound of medium shrimp and about a half pound of steak meat--I bought mine cut-up already--season with salt and lemon pepper.





Then blanch the following:
1 bunch asparagus (cut into 2-3-inch pieces)
3 small carrots (cut or grated into strips)
1 pkg or bunch bean sprouts.
1 large package rice vermicelli noodles

Drain well, then pile into a large bowl--add cooked shrimp and steak once cooled slightly. Add fish sauce.


Bring to boil 1 cup water, 4 Tbsp. rice vinegar, 4 Tbsp. sugar. Let cool, then add: 1 Tbsp. chopped garlic, 1 squirt hot sauce or 1 small chili pepper (chopped), and 5 Tbsp. fish sauce.

Garnish bowls with fresh cilantro, crunched peanuts, and peanut sauce: mix the following in small bowl or 2-cup measuring cup.


1/2 c. peanut butter (your choice on texture)
1 tsp. sugar
4 tsp. soy sauce
1 tsp. chopped garlic
Juice from a lemon
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1/2 c. water

Mix with a fork and serve over vermicelli bowls--add water if sauce is too thin. Great with egg rolls, too!

Hey Hey, Boo-Boo!!

Don't ask me why these cookies are called Ranger cookies, but it always makes me think of watching, as a child, either Yogi Bear or this cartoon movie called The Ranger of Brownstone that was dubbed onto a family vhs along with some other 80's kids movies--my favorite genre. Oatmeal, cornflakes, AND coconut??-- what a deal. Best damn cookie out there.

Mix together:
1 stick butter, softened (or Crisco)
1 c. sugar
1 c. brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla

Sift together and stir into wet mix:
2 c. flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt

Finally, add:
2 c. oatmeal
2 c. corn flakes
1 c. coconut


Bake at 350 degrees until golden brown. Best if a little undercooked--they'll be softer.

Whoa---time warp! Do not feed the bears.


Jellystoned?

Oooh fuuudge!

"Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!"

That's right--it's Christmas time. Even though we all want to be Scrooge's and sit around bitching about gift buying and family visiting, you know we'll just sit by a warm fire on one of our many vacation days off and watch, yet again, one of the million, late-night-insomniac showings of "A Christmas Story" while eating one of many various seasonal treats like the following. That's what Christmas is really all about; it's a time for relishing in prosaic memories and pastimes with Ralphie or Rudolph. Fudge! the holidays--rejoice its desserts.

The recipe:

5 c. sugar
1 1/3 sticks butter
1 can milk
---------
1 1/2 pkgs. semi-sweet chocolate chips
2-3 c. pecans
1 jar marshmallow cream
1 tsp. vanilla

In a large and heavy sauce pan, stir sugar, butter, and milk on med, med-high heat with a metal spoon--stir constantly. Once the liquid begins to bubble, set a timer and continue to boil/stir for 8 minutes exactly (you don't want it to be turning brown). Immediately, turn off the burner and stir in marshmallow cream and vanilla. Once melted, stir in chocolate chips then pecans. Pour into buttered glass casserole dishes (either 9X13 or two smaller ones). Let cool completely, cut into 1 1/2-inch squares, then refrigerate.

Queso Camarones

Oooo... it's getting cold out there--even in sunny LA. Why don't you warm yourself up with a bowl of this Southern/Cajun treat? It's no salad or rice cakes, in terms of 2000/cal/day diet. But you'll sleep well and fill out those jeans that were getting loose.

In a thick, large stock pot, saute on about 2 cups of sliced mushrooms, 1 sliced green pepper, 1 c. chopped celery, and 1/2 c. chopped green onions in a few tablespoons of butter until they're all a little soft.


Toss in about 1.5 pounds of peeled/deveined shrimp and season with salt, pepper, garlic, seasoned salt, and some kind of cajun seasoning--you should have one by now. Cook until shrimp is almost done.


Turn heat to low and add 1 can cream of mushroom soup, 1 can Rotel (diced tomatoes/green chilies), 1 can milk, and about a half block (8-12 oz.) of Velveeta (aka plastic). Stir until cheese is melted.


Serve over white rice.

Blonde Brownie

It's like a giant chocolate chip cookie but better. I took these to school one year in elementary school as birthday treats for the class. I saved a corner for my teacher who didn't eat with us and had to hang onto it all through recess, but I needed to kiss that ass. By the end of recess, it looked like somebody took a dump in a ziploc. So I made a friend try to give it to the teacher, but she refused. She obviously didn't know how great it was... bitch.

The recipe:

1 c. butter (soft)
1 c. brown sugar
1 c. white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla

Mix well, then add:
2 c. + 4 Tbsp. flour
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. soda
1 c. pecans (optional)
12 oz. pkg. semi-sweet chocolate chips

Bake at 350 in 9X13 pan for 30 minutes.

Make Your Own Damn Pizza!

I'm not gonna hide the fact that the Little Caesar's down the road from my pad has the deal of a lifetime: 1 medium cheese/pepperoni pizza and 1 pkg of Crazy bread for $6.25. The problem with this bargain is that after you've had 3/4 of the pizza and the entire batch of breadsticks, you feel less like a content connoisseur and more like a penniless savage that's waiting for seconds in the Thanksgiving Soup line near Skid Row - probably with an equivocal amount of nausea and dizziness. Fuck all that-- Make your own damn pizza!

Head to the market and get a bag of pizza dough. Most places have them; you just have to look. If not, check out the worldwide internet for a recipe. Roll it out with maybe an empty wine bottle. Then, you gotta do the pizza-toss thing that they do in an actual pizzaria - it's the only way to get the pizza crust thin enough. Lay it on a cookie sheet, and then spread a THIN layer of pizza/marinara sauce. Cut up white mushrooms in slices and toss with olive oil balsamic vinegar sauteed on medium until they're soft. Optional sausage to be added in here.


Grab a house slave or dinner guest and have them grate an entire block of mozzarella, and spread it atop the pie.


Slice fresh basil and tomatoes and layer atop cheese. Season with garlic powder (if you have it), salt, pepper, Greek seasoning or something Italian-y.


Pop in the oven until the cheese is bubbly and turning golden brown. Use the temperature setting designated to your specific pizza dough - I think it's 400. Enjoy - F Little Caesar's.



UPDATE: Divide the pizza dough into three parts and roll to make pizza rolls!

Healthy in the Holidays: Roasted Veg and Chicken

I know you're all trying to skip the sides and kick the carbs in between holiday face-stuffings, so here's medley that'll temporarily abate your plate from unhealthy fixings.

Those little tiny squash might be hard to find; and you may want to swap the chicken for beef or some tofu product-- but the carrots are good for night vision, so hang on to 'em. Chunk everything so it's about the same size and scatter into a glass casserole dish. Drench with olive oil, salt, pepper, seasoned salt, and maybe some type of special sauce: I used Soy Vay (this Jewish-made teriyaki), but you can do like a Worchestershire combo or wine/balsamic vinegar. Roast in the oven at 400 for about 45 minutes or so (or until the chicken's done in the middle). Skip the rolls, rice, noodles and potatoes 'cause you'll have plenty around Xmas.



I used: chicken, broccoli, carrots, rosemary, olives, garlic, mushrooms, and baby zucchini/sqaush.

Not Zucchini Bread

I made some pumpkin bread for my new neighbors-- one of them with a questionable gender-- to welcome them to the house, have a leg-up on karma, and basically let them know that we're cool and all. It's something I hadn't done with the other tenants in our 4-plex, and I'm tired of ducking behind the curtains any time one of them walks by. We wrote a little note that said something like "welcome to the house. here's some pumpkin bread - best with butter." Even though it's super cheezy idea altogether, they loved it and thanked us twice for the zucchini bread. Despite the fact that they can't read, I feel a little better about our awkward coexistence.

Recipe yields two loaves:

3 c. flour, sifted
1 tsp. salt
2 c. sugar
2 tsp. soda
2 c. pumpkin (or 1 can)
1 c. oil
4 eggs, beaten
1/2 c. water
3 tsp. pumpkin pie spice (or 1 each of cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice.)
1 c. walnuts (optional)



Mix dry ingredients in large bowl forming a well in the middle. Then stir in eggs, water, oil, then pumpkin. Divide batter between two greased/floured bread pans and bake at 350 degrees for 45-50 minutes.



Though I used the can this time, it's only about an extra three hours in prep time if you want to carve the pumpkins, toast the seeds, and use baked pumpkin meat instead of the can. Toss the cleaned seeds with seasoned salt, garlic powder, tabasco, and worcestershire sauce and bake at 400 for 15-20 minutes. Something like that.