Orange Slice Bars

Man these orange slice bars are good, and I'd bet if you're not from Texas or a family of diabetics you've never even seen one. Mom posted this recipe on her blog, Bella Vista Food Snob, and I made them recently and took a picture. So good--especially because of all the pecans in it, too. Yum.

http://bellavistafoodsnob.blogspot.com/2009/12/orange-slice-bars.html

Thanks, Ma.

Crunchy Nut Cookies

This is another one of grandma's recipes. She has a number of cookies with weird fruits, Jell-O products and the like that I have never tried before, but this one I knew would be great--though I'd never had these cookies growing up because like all kids I hated nuts in my food! I grew up, however, started eating vegetables, and thought I could handle a cookie with a crunch. I could almost smell grandma's kitchen when I made these the other night.

1 c. sugar

1 c. brown sugar

1/2 c. Crisco shortening or softened butter (1 stick)

2 eggs

1 tsp. vanilla

3 c. sifted flour

1 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1 c. chopped nuts

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a mixer combine sugars and shortening or butter. Mix thoroughly before adding beaten eggs and vanilla.

Sift flour with soda and salt and then pour into mixer at slow speed--I think the trick with these cookies like others is not to over beat the batter while adding flour; you want the batter light and fluffy but thoroughly combined.

Fold in chopped nuts--I used a combination of almonds, cashews and walnuts, but you can use whatever nuts you'd like. I can only imagine pecans, peanuts or pistachios would be great as well.

Roll dough into balls about walnut size and dip top half in sugar before placing on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake for 8-10 minutes or until light golden brown.

Crepe a la ghetto

Some people might be offended by the term 'ghetto' but I think that is ludicrous. After all, I live in the ghetto and I'm not offended. Instead I'm honored. Only in the ghetto do you have the opportunity to find a perfectly intact crepe maker for $4 and just enough in savings to buy it. You gather a number of your other jobless friends, combine resources and are able to eat in class a meal that comes all the way across yonder from France. Bon a petit.

Come to find out, crepes are from France and blintzes are from the Mediterranean. Both are either folded or rolled. I still don't know what I've made, but it all turned out great. Two nights in a row and then a dessert.

I guess your only problem now is to find a crepe maker for yourself. Or you can come to my house at $3.50 a head.

The basic crepe:

1 c. flour
pinch salt
1 1/4 c. milk
2 eggs, beaten
2 Tbsp canola oil

Slowly whisk milk with flour and salt, then add eggs and oil. Pour mixture into a pie plate or similar and heat skillet or crepe maker; dip. My machine has a light on it that times it perfectly--only takes about 20 seconds for each side.


Once the crepes are made you have your choice of fillings for them. When I worked at farmers' market several years ago, there was a crepe booth that loved trading my tortilla chips for a daily lunch crepe, savory. They folded the crepes with some sort of lunch meat, spinach, tomato, mushroom, cheese, and avocado, or basically whatever they had fresh. I did the same, sauteed the mushrooms first and added a tangy white wine sauce to float over it.


Wine sauce:
1 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp flour
1 c. milk
1/4 c. white wine
salt/pepper/favorite spice

Heat butter and flour over low heat until melted. Slowly whisk in milk then wine and spices. Simmer until thickened.

For DESSERT!!!

Add a little cinnamon or nutmeg to the crepe batter and fill crepes with chopped strawberry, banana, walnuts or pecans, and marscarpone cheese. I didn't have marscarpone so I 'ghetto'-rigged it by mixing some sugar in a container of sour cream and drizzling over the filling. Put in buttered casserole dish (like you would enchiladas) and sprinkle with sugar. Bake at 350 degrees for about 8 minutes. Remove, let cool slightly, and top with Nutella and Cool Whip. That's how I did it at least, and I didn't hear any complaints.

This Is It!!!

This WAS it, but it's gone now. Chocolate pie is another recipe from grandma's cookbook. In it she was always so nice to credit the chef from which she got the recipe, and sometimes had a helpful parenthetical, too. "This is it!!!" is written below the title of Chocolate Pie on page 47, just underneath her recipe for "fresh fruit cheese pie"--Mmmmm, weird. I haven't tried her Coke salad recipe either. The chocolate pie, however, is truly it. One of a kind.

1 pie crust
1-1/2 c. sugar
3 eggs yolks
4 Tbsp. dry cocoa
3 Tbsp. butter
4 Tbsp. flour
2 c. milk
1-1/2 tsp. vanilla

Meringue:
3 egg whites
6 Tbsp. sugar
1/8 tsp. cream of tartar


Bake a single pie crust in a pie plate according to directions on box. This pie, however, is also great in one of those store-bought graham cracker crusts, which doesn't need to be cooked.

Mix sugar, cocoa, flour, yolks (put whites in fridge until using them for meringue), milk, and butter in top of double boiler turned to medium heat--if you don't have a double boiler just cook in thick saucepan at med-low heat. Cook until thick, stirring constantly. Pour custard into pie crust and let cool.


Beat egg whites with mixer on med-high speed, slowly adding in sugar, then cream of tartar. Beat until whites are stiff and peak (a few minutes at least). Spoon or spatula meringue over pie and bake at 350 degrees until the peaks begin to brown. Cool pie again and serve or refrigerate. This is it!

Pecan Pie

This recipe is coming at you a little late since I made it last Thanksgiving during our usual feast-for-the-misplaced-youths-of-Los Angeles annual potluck. While it may not seem too difficult--and it's not made with pure cane sugar--it should be noted that "the family" complained bitterly when my grandmother switched from Karo to generic-brand corn syrup. You might wanna cough up the extra 49 cents.

1 pie crust, unbaked**
3 eggs
1 c. Karo (dark or white)
1 c. sugar
1 dash salt
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. pecans (whole or halves)

Beat eggs slightly before mixing with other ingredients. Bake at 325 degrees for about an hour or until filling begins to brown. Cool and serve. Grrreat with vanilla ice cream.

**If you can't find or are to cheap to buy a box of Pillsbury pie crusts from the refrigerated section, follow the following recipe, which makes about three crusts:

3 c. flour
1 c. butter or shortening (Crisco)
1 tsp. salt
Enough ice-cold water to make a stiff dough

Sift salt with flour and put into mixing bowl. Cut shortening into flour and mix until chunks are about the size of a bean. Add a little water at a time, and use as little as possible. Refrigerate before roll out if possible.

Bunny Rabbit Delight

Yesterday was the birthday of my favorite American-born eastern Euro friend, Sinziana. Since I didn't have the perfect present picked out, I thought I'd fall back on an old tradition--birthday cake. The pickiest of eaters, she won't eat most things with chocolate, anything with coconut besides Ranger cookies (see recipe), or, odd as it is, cooked ham or anything too "eggy". No German Chocolate, Italian Cream, or really, half the desserts that are among MY favorites. Just before I started to make a plain white cake dyed bright green and blue, I realized there was one flavor I had failed to consider: carrot! What eastern Euro isn't down with carrots?... or cabbage and sausage.

Now everybody's had a bad carrot cake in their life -- most definitely if you've bought the box. So I scoured the internet looking for a recipe that was similar to the best carrot cake I'd ever tried, which, FYI, is from Thunder Cloud Subs in Austin. This is what I came up with, and it was grrrreat!

The cake:

ADD IN ORDER GIVEN ---------
1/3 c Dk. Karo
1 c Sugar
1 c Dk. Brown sugar
4 x Eggs
1 1/2 c Veg. oil
1 ts Cinnamon
1/4 ts Cloves
1/4 ts Ginger
1/4 ts Nutmeg
3 c Raw carrots, grated fine
1 ts Vanilla
2 1/4 c Sifted flour
2 ts Baking soda
3/4 ts Salt
1 c Walnuts or Pecans, chopped


Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line the bottom of three 8-inch cake pans with parchment, wax, or brown-bag paper: grease and flour.


Beat sugar, eggs, karo, and oil until light and fluffy: about 15 minutes on medium speed-- I grated the carrots during this. Add rest of ingredients in order given, sifting the soda and salt with the flour and mixing gently after sifted mixture is added. Pour into cake pans and bake for about 25-30 minutes or until cake is done in the middle via toothpick test or poking the top to see if the cake bounces back a little.


Immediately remove and place upside down on wire racks to let cool.


Super Fatty Cream Cheese Icing:

1 box powdered sugar
1 bar cream cheese (at room temp)
1 stick butter (at room temp)
1 TB. vanilla


Beat cream cheese until smooth and add slowly the box of powdered sugar. Add vanilla, then butter. Taste-test as much as desired.

Whew! Not so bad. No just stack the cakes on a serving plate with icing in between layers. Ice the rest and serve or decorate.

Easy Cobbler

Well, I've been a little bit lazy lately. And since I sought a homemade, warm, and sweet something that didn't involve too much effort or finance--and that juxtaposed well with the 3/4-eaten, gallon (yes, gallon) bucket of vanilla ice cream icing over in my freezer--I fell back on this old and uncomplicated classic. Peaches*, apples, pears, or whatever fruit you have that doesn't have too many flies coming from it, this is guaranteed to please.

*Soft fruits like peaches don't need to be cooked on the stove before adding with cobbler batter.

Preheat oven to 350. Peel and slice into wedges 8 small or 6 large apples of your choice (or convenience). Heat at medium a medium-sized but heavy saucepan with a half stick of butter and the peeled/wedged apples and 1 cup chopped walnuts. Sprinkle with cinnamon and almost a cup sugar. Cook until slightly softened--ten minutes probably.


In a separate mixing bowl, stir the following ingredients until smooth:
1 cup sugar
1 cup flour
1 cup milk
1 tsp. baking powder


Rub butter along sides and bottom of a large glass dish and dump in the slightly cooked apples (or fresh peaches). Pour batter over all the apples and shake a little more cinnamon and sugar on top of it. Bake in oven for about 35 minutes or until top is turning golden brown. Serve with ice cream.

Carni Grub

Yesterday at a thrift store, I found a brand new Fry Daddy for $7--they retail for about $40. Since last night I had dinner plans with some health nuts, I thought I'd ruin their light meal with a dessert that you often only consume just after you weeze the juice of a glowing green slushy and right before you ride the Tilt-A-Whirl and puke it all up. You don't really need a special frying machine to accomplish this task (nor a funnel as you will see), but it helps prevent the grease-splooge mess all over your counter top.

Dry mixture:
1 2/3 c. flour
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. cream of tartar
2 Tbsp. sugar

Since I was taking this meal on the road--like it's accustomed to--I stored the dry mixture in a gallon-size ziploc bag, then used the bag as the funnel for the batter by cutting a whole in the corner.

Combine the following with dry mixture and pour in funnel or bag with centimeter hole.

1 c. milk
1 egg (beaten with milk)

Now for the fryin'! In a Fry Daddy, iron skillet, or other thick sauce pan, heat about 1 or 1-1/2 canola oil to 375 degrees. If you're just using a skillet, test to see if the oil is ready by flicking some water drops in it to see if it sizzles.


Hold ziploc like a pastry bag and evenly drop about a half a cup of the mixture in a spiral-like pattern into sizzling oil. Shortly thereafter, use a pair of tongs or spatula to flip the cake and cook the other side--it doesn't take long to cook. Remove from oil and set on plate with paper towl.




Serve with fresh fruit (or fruit-flavored ice cream) or chocolate or whatever you want, with some sifted powdered sugar atop it. Even though you didn't just dismount from the Gravitron, you may still feel like the room is spinning. Grow a beard, grab a flask and a crack pipe; disown your deodorant and swim in the port-a-potty. Join the carnies and eat a funnel cake.

Hey Hey, Boo-Boo!!

Don't ask me why these cookies are called Ranger cookies, but it always makes me think of watching, as a child, either Yogi Bear or this cartoon movie called The Ranger of Brownstone that was dubbed onto a family vhs along with some other 80's kids movies--my favorite genre. Oatmeal, cornflakes, AND coconut??-- what a deal. Best damn cookie out there.

Mix together:
1 stick butter, softened (or Crisco)
1 c. sugar
1 c. brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla

Sift together and stir into wet mix:
2 c. flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt

Finally, add:
2 c. oatmeal
2 c. corn flakes
1 c. coconut


Bake at 350 degrees until golden brown. Best if a little undercooked--they'll be softer.

Whoa---time warp! Do not feed the bears.


Jellystoned?

Oooh fuuudge!

"Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!"

That's right--it's Christmas time. Even though we all want to be Scrooge's and sit around bitching about gift buying and family visiting, you know we'll just sit by a warm fire on one of our many vacation days off and watch, yet again, one of the million, late-night-insomniac showings of "A Christmas Story" while eating one of many various seasonal treats like the following. That's what Christmas is really all about; it's a time for relishing in prosaic memories and pastimes with Ralphie or Rudolph. Fudge! the holidays--rejoice its desserts.

The recipe:

5 c. sugar
1 1/3 sticks butter
1 can milk
---------
1 1/2 pkgs. semi-sweet chocolate chips
2-3 c. pecans
1 jar marshmallow cream
1 tsp. vanilla

In a large and heavy sauce pan, stir sugar, butter, and milk on med, med-high heat with a metal spoon--stir constantly. Once the liquid begins to bubble, set a timer and continue to boil/stir for 8 minutes exactly (you don't want it to be turning brown). Immediately, turn off the burner and stir in marshmallow cream and vanilla. Once melted, stir in chocolate chips then pecans. Pour into buttered glass casserole dishes (either 9X13 or two smaller ones). Let cool completely, cut into 1 1/2-inch squares, then refrigerate.

Blonde Brownie

It's like a giant chocolate chip cookie but better. I took these to school one year in elementary school as birthday treats for the class. I saved a corner for my teacher who didn't eat with us and had to hang onto it all through recess, but I needed to kiss that ass. By the end of recess, it looked like somebody took a dump in a ziploc. So I made a friend try to give it to the teacher, but she refused. She obviously didn't know how great it was... bitch.

The recipe:

1 c. butter (soft)
1 c. brown sugar
1 c. white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla

Mix well, then add:
2 c. + 4 Tbsp. flour
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. soda
1 c. pecans (optional)
12 oz. pkg. semi-sweet chocolate chips

Bake at 350 in 9X13 pan for 30 minutes.

The Thing w/Coconut

Everyone's got their own versions of brownies and bars. This thing is kind of a compilation of many of those variations with, as always, budget and mobile motivation in mind. I just so happened to have some almonds and coconut - so that's what you get. This recipe, specifically, is also a variation of some chess cake that's in my grandmother's cookbook - just with a larger pan. Either way, it's a good, quick fix. Make it how you like it.

The recipe:

1 box yellow cake mix
1 stick softened butter
1 beaten egg
1 8oz. bar softened cream cheese
1 tsp. vanilla or lemon extract
1 lb. box powdered sugar
3 eggs

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease bottom of large jelly roll pan (or cookie sheet with at least 1-inch sides on it). In one bowl, combine cake mix, butter, and beaten egg. After blending with fork or hands, press evenly into pan building the dough about an inch on sides of pan; be patient.




In another bowl, combine cream cheese, vanilla or lemon flavor, powdered sugar and three eggs. This is where you can throw in a slew of pantry extras like coconut and sliced almonds like I did.


Pour into pan over the crust and spread evenly. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Lower the heat to 325 and bake for an additional 30 minutes or until top becomes golden.



Note how quickly they vanish.

Peanut Butter Pizza

Typical munchy ingredients have never tasted better than in the following PTA-mom classic. In fact, it was in the fourth grade that I last tasted this treat. My mom had volunteered to conduct some sort of mind-numbing dessert luncheon to celebrate the success of a likewise mind-numbing, mass-student, elementary accomplishment. Though it's one of the easiest desserts to make, the blockhead moms of my classmates managed to come up with a number of sub-par variations. If you screw this one up, consider yourself doomed.

The recipe:

1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. softened butter
1/2 c. peanut butter
1 pkg. chocolate chips
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 egg
1 1/2 c. flour
2 c. miniature marshmallows

In large bowl, combine sugar, brown sugar, butter, peanut butter, vanilla and egg. Blend well, then stir in flour. Hand-press dough onto large cookie sheet or pizza pan, forming a rim along the edge.

Bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes. Remove from oven and sprinkle with marshmallows, and chocolate chips. Continue baking for 5 to 8 minutes or until marshmallows are lightly brown. Cool and cut into wedges and serve. I obviously don't have a pizza pan.

Strawberry Jello Bundt Cake: Fill the hole with goodness

I've requested this next cake as my birthday cake each year since about age 11. My mom always had no problem with this because, contrary to my brother's request of German Chocolate cake, it was cheap and easy to make - homogeneous to my blog. A twist on an old favorite, this cake packs the punch you can only expect when it includes a box of jello, a box of powdered sugar, a stick of butter, and a cup of oil. Get ready to unbutton your pants! - 'cause you're gonna need the room.


The cake:
1 box white cake mix
3 Tbsp. flour
1 sm. pkg. strawberry jello (dissolved in 1/2 c. water)
4 eggs
1 c. vegetable oil
1/2 pkg. frozen strawberries, thawed


Mix ingredients with mixer adding strawberries last. Bake in greased and floured cake at 350 degrees for amount of time on cake box (depending on the shape/size of pan(s) you use), or until toothpick comes up clean. Let cool then use mixer to make and top with icing.

The icing:

1 stick butter
1 pkg. powdered sugar
1/2 pkg. frozen strawberries, thawed


As you cut the cake, you will see the icing gush from the warm center. Spread freely according to taste.

The Perfect Snickerdoodle

Surprise, surprise - I made something else that didn't involve leaving the house to retrieve additional ingredients - an abiding trend. Another direct descent from grandma's archives, these snickerdoodles boast the inherent satisfaction that one could only expect from something so simple and timeless. This recipe yields a shit ton of cookies but, as you can easily see, they go fast.

Mix:
1 c. shortening (Crisco)
1-1/2 c. sugar
2 eggs

Sift and stir in:
2-3/4 c. flour
2 tsp. cream of tartar
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt

Roll into walnut-sized balls and then in cinnamon and sugar, and then place on greased cookie sheet. Use index and middle finger to indent balls of dough pressing down slightly.


Bake at 350 degrees for typical cookie length of time - maybe 12 minutes or so. They key with these is to somewhat under-cook them so they remain chewy even after they have cooled.

DeDe's Nana Pudding

Though I won't be freezing mine one week in advance like she would be doing, my grandmother's banana pudding recipe is the best in the South and another inexpensive, delectable dessert.

The recipe:

5 Tb. flour
3 egg yolks
1-1/2 c. sugar
2 c. milk
lump butter
1 t. vanilla
Box Vanilla wafers or coconut macaroons
Bananas

Beat egg yolks; add small amount of milk, sugar, and flour till smooth; then add rest of milk. Bring to slow boil over medium heat stirring constantly until thick and almost boiling. Turn off burner and add butter and vanilla. In a large baking dish, rub butter along bottom and sides then layer cookies, bananas, then pudding. Repeat and let cool somewhat.


Meringue:
3 egg whites
6 Tb. sugar
Pinch of cream of tartar

Beat egg whites until foamy then add sugar and eventually cream of tartar. Use meringue to cover pudding and bake at 350 until meringue is golden brown, approx. 10 minutes. Serve warm or refrigerate. This dessert always receives the response you're looking for-- just ask these ladies.

Cream Puff Puff Pass

Cream puffs are made from scratch with ingredients that you should always have in the cabinet, along with fresh fruit. The key with this recipe, and baking in general, is that you should always follow the recipe measurements precisely... or else you'll fuck it up. Nonetheless, it's always more than edible and usually the best answer to any sweet tooth or stoner high.


The Puff part:

1 stick butter
1 c. water
Bring to boil. Take off stove and add 1 c. flour. Mix well. Add 4 eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Using a large serving spoon, place round balls on ungreased cookie sheet and bake at 375 for 45 minutes. Let cool. Cut off tops and take out excess doughy part in the middle.

The Creamy part:

1 c. sugar
1/2 c. sifted flour*
2 c. milk
3 egg yolks


In double boiler (or thick saucepan on lower heat), put sugar, flour and enough milk to make paste. Stir in egg yolks. Add rest of milk. Cook till it thickens, stirring constantly. Add 2 TB. butter and 1 Tsp. vanilla. Turn fire off and keep beating by hand. Add optional 1 c. coconut and keep stirring until it gets to the right consistency. Fill puffs with cream and choice of berry, place top on, and then sift powdered sugar over top. Garnish with more fruit.

*If making chocolate, sift 1/2 c. cocoa with the flour and omit coconut.